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Learn how to write your wedding vows from start to finish, panic free. With a step by step example and guidance from a professional writer, you’ll be able to craft words more romantic, (and definitely more sincere), than Twilight.
Writing your own wedding vows is a big ask.
If you’re anything like the rest of us, you start by thinking it’s a great idea. What could be more personal than your own vows? What could show your partner how much you love them more than your own promises that last for eternity?
And then you sit down with a cup of coffee, a notepad and a pen.
And you’re all like:
Firstly, don’t panic. It’s totally normal and is, in no way, linked to how much you love your partner.
Take it from me: I’m a professional writer specializing in romance and weddings and writing is damn hard.
That’s why we’ve created this post: to help you through this challenge. Because there are words inside you. We just need to set ‘em free.
The first thing to remember is that you’re going to be saying these wedding vows that you wrote yourself in front of all your friends and family.
(I’m not saying this to add to the pressure. I promise.)
Because of this, you’re going to need to make sure they’re meaningful, sweet and completely and utterly appropriate.
Why should I write my own wedding vows?
Traditional wedding vows are super structured and rigid. They can be used by literally every couple in the world and it’ll work.
But, what makes it unique to the couple? They might be lovely, but traditional wedding vows don’t personalize anything.
If you’re in love with the little things: maybe your partner is crazy about animals or they can’t stand it when you drink out of the milk carton - how much sweeter would your vows be if they spoke to those little quirks?
A wedding isn’t a generalized occasion.
So much planning goes into making sure each and every detail tells the guests what kind of relationship you have.
Writing your own wedding vows drives the message home.
A wedding is a time for personalization. For showing each other all the reasons you’re standing there that day. To be honest and make vows that mean something to you.
Writing your own wedding vows might be tricky, but the end result is so worth it.
Before you start…
This is going to take a little while. So, grab yourself a coffee, shut the door and take a breath.
We’re going to get through this together.
And by the time you’ve finished reading this post, you’ll be armed with all the knowledge and strategies you need to write the world’s most personal, most romantic wedding vows.
Firstly, make a list of all the quirks your partner has. Things that make them uniquely who they are.
Little habits, obsessions, pet peeves - all the teeny tiny details? They’ll all count toward making your vows ultra personal.
Struggling for inspo? Check out Pairedlife.com’s list of ‘100 Reasons Why I Love You’ to get your heart open and the ideas flowing.
Begin writing your wedding vows by saying you love them
It may seem obvious, but SO many couples forget to mention those 3 words in their wedding vows.
And even more people leave it to the end.
But, the way we see it is: you’re standing there trembling with nerves because you love your partner.
Why wait to say it?
Tell your partner you love them at the beginning of your handwritten vows. You’ll be surprised at how much it will calm them down.
Example: Charlotte, I love you.
Now, expand on it.
The warm up activity we did a few minutes ago should help with this. You’ve started by telling your partner that you love them. Now, (excuse me sounding like a teacher), expand on it.
You could go two different ways here. You could either:
a.) Talk about the moment you first knew you loved them.
b.) Talk about the reasons why
Both are beautiful. Both are personal. But, you’ll need to keep the next sentence brief to inspire the following section.
Example: Charlotte, I love you.
I knew that from our second date when you stumbled home after a few too many cocktails. I knew that I was going to marry you.
Example 2: Charlotte, I love you.
I love how you wriggle your toes when you’re tired. I love how you love so deeply and passionately. I love your fiery temper.
Define what ‘marriage’ means to you.
Now’s the moment where you show your partner that this unity is more than just a party. It’s genuine.
And the words you’re writing right now: you mean every single one of them.
You do this by defining what marriage truly means to you. No dictionary definitions. No formal speech. To you, as a person, what does it mean to be marrying your partner?
Example: Charlotte, I love you.
I love how you wriggle your toes when you’re tired. I love how you love so deeply and passionately. I love your fiery temper.
And I’m standing here today ready to marry you.
To me, that means being there. If you’re sick, I’ll heat the soup. If you’re mad, I’ll try to calm you. If you’re hurting, I’ll hurt with you, (and have stern words with the person who has caused the hurt). Marrying you means I get to go through all of life’s adventures with you by my side.
Explain why it’s your partner standing there with you
Now that your partner, (and everyone around you), knows what ‘marriage’ means to you, we can personalize it even more. We can expand on the reasons why your partner is standing there by your side rather than someone else.
Why are you making these vows right now? Why is it your partner who lights up your life?
Example: Charlotte, I love you.
I love how you wriggle your toes when you’re tired. I love how you love so deeply and passionately. I love your fiery temper.
And I’m standing here today ready to marry you.
To me, that means being there. If you’re sick, I’ll heat the soup. If you’re mad, I’ll try to calm you. If you’re hurting, I’ll hurt with you, (and have stern words with the person who has caused the hurt). Marrying you means I get to go through all of life’s adventures with you by my side.
And I couldn’t picture going through those adventures without you. I’m so blessed that it’s you standing here with me. You pick me up when I’m down and make me laugh when I don’t think it’s possible.
You are my best friend and I adore every tiny part of you, from your loyalty to your eyes.
Move on to your promises
The definition of a vow is a promise. This is your wedding day, and in a nutshell: a wedding is a day where you promise each other things to upkeep for the rest of your life.
Far too many couples make promises that they don’t fully mean. So, ensure the promises you’re about to write are absolutely from your heart and you intend on keeping those promises until ‘death do you part’.
Depending on your tone, I’d always suggest putting in one more light-hearted promise at the end of your list.
Think carefully about what you want to promise. Things like:
I promise to always be loyal to you.
I promise to be honest.
I promise that I will be the husband/wife that you can lean on.
I promise that I will do everything in my power to give you the life you deserve.
And then lighten it with a slightly comedic, (but totally true), vow:
I promise to always offer the last cookie to you.
I promise to take you to Chipotle when you’re hangry.
I promise to not get mad at you when you throw the laundry on the floor.
I promise to put you on the same priority list as the cat. (Most of the time).
Example: Charlotte, I love you.
I love how you wriggle your toes when you’re tired. I love how you love so deeply and passionately. I love your fiery temper.
And I’m standing here today ready to marry you.
To me, that means being there. If you’re sick, I’ll heat the soup. If you’re mad, I’ll try to calm you. If you’re hurting, I’ll hurt with you, (and have stern words with the person who has caused the hurt). Marrying you means I get to go through all of life’s adventures with you by my side.
And I couldn’t picture going through those adventures without you. I’m so blessed that it’s you standing here with me. You pick me up when I’m down and make me laugh when I don’t think it’s possible.
You are my best friend and I adore every tiny part of you, from your loyalty to your eyes.
I promise that I’ll be forever loyal to you and will take care of you. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to give you the life you deserve.
And I promise to quit hogging the duvet as best as I can.
Start wrapping up
You’ve made your vows, so we’re ready to start wrapping up. At this point, you want to reiterate how you’re feeling about married life. Think about the adventure that is yet to come. It’s important to address the fact that it won’t be all sunshine and rainbows, but in a super-romantic, optimistic way.
The more specific you can be with the things you’re looking forward to, the better.
Example: Charlotte, I love you.
I love how you wriggle your toes when you’re tired. I love how you love so deeply and passionately. I love your fiery temper.
And I’m standing here today ready to marry you.
To me, that means being there. If you’re sick, I’ll heat the soup. If you’re mad, I’ll try to calm you. If you’re hurting, I’ll hurt with you, (and have stern words with the person who has caused the hurt). Marrying you means I get to go through all of life’s adventures with you by my side.
And I couldn’t picture going through those adventures without you. I’m so blessed that it’s you standing here with me. You pick me up when I’m down and make me laugh when I don’t think it’s possible.
You are my best friend and I adore every tiny part of you, from your loyalty to your eyes.
I promise that I’ll be forever loyal to you and will take care of you. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to give you the life you deserve.
And I promise to quit hogging the duvet as best as I can.
As I stand here today, I can honestly say that I’m thrilled and excited about starting our lives together as a married couple. I can’t wait for all of the journeys we’re about to embark on, the hurdles we’ll have to face and the life-changing moments that will shape who we are as a couple.
Do a full 180 and remind your partner that you love her
Yes, we know you’ve already said it. But, you’re marrying this person. You’re doing that because you love her, so spill the beans.
It’s a beautiful way of ending your vows. Reiterating the very reason that you’re together, holding hands at the altar, will end your vows on a serious high.
Example: Charlotte, I love you.
I love how you wriggle your toes when you’re tired. I love how you love so deeply and passionately. I love your fiery temper.
And I’m standing here today ready to marry you.
To me, that means being there. If you’re sick, I’ll heat the soup. If you’re mad, I’ll try to calm you. If you’re hurting, I’ll hurt with you, (and have stern words with the person who has caused the hurt). Marrying you means I get to go through all of life’s adventures with you by my side.
And I couldn’t picture going through those adventures without you. I’m so blessed that it’s you standing here with me. You pick me up when I’m down and make me laugh when I don’t think it’s possible.
You are my best friend and I adore every tiny part of you, from your loyalty to your eyes.
I promise that I’ll be forever loyal to you and will take care of you. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to give you the life you deserve.
And I promise to quit hogging the duvet as best as I can.
As I stand here today, I can honestly say that I’m thrilled and excited about starting our lives together as a married couple. I can’t wait for all of the journeys we’re about to embark on, the hurdles we’ll have to face and the life-changing moments that will shape who we are as a couple.
Because I love you, baby. So much.
Writing your own wedding vows is hard but…
A fully personalized vow beats generalized tradition in our book.
While the writing process is tricky, you’re going to be writing something that genuinely means
something to you, rather than reciting vows written in stone thousands of years ago.
And isn’t that what a wedding should be about?
Genuine promises that link to the couple who are tying the knot?
Abso-bloody-loutely.
We want to hear from you!
Are you writing your own vows? We’d love to hear how it’s going. Or, have you recently tied the knot with your handwritten vows?
We’re dying to find out what was promised on your special day.
Reach out to us via email.
Shoot us a DM on Insta.
Or drop us a comment at the bottom of this post.
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